Rival-ier than thou

Via satirist Andy Borowitz:

As President-elect Barack Obama continues to assemble his “team of rivals” by filling Cabinet positions with former political opponents, he has drawn the ire of one self-styled rival who feels he has been unfairly overlooked: Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH).

Speaking to reporters in Washington today, a furious Mr. Kucinich said that it was “unfair and insane” for Mr. Obama to spurn him for a Cabinet post, saying, “I was as rivalish or more so than a lot of the so-called rivals he’s chosen.”

The Ohio Democrat served up this stern reminder to the rival-fancying President-elect: “In your inexorable rise to become President, let’s not forget that the first body you climbed over was that of Dennis J. Kucinich.”

With most of the Cabinet posts having already gone to more prominent rivals such as Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and Gov. Bill Richardson (D-NM), Mr. Kucinich’s statements were widely seen as a Hail Mary bid to become Postmaster General.

When asked about a potential role for Mr. Kucinich in his Administration, Mr. Obama said today that the Ohio congressman would not make the cut for his team of rivals, but added that he would be announcing a “JV team of rivals” some time in late February.

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