You know, I’ve REALLY REALLY not wanted to comment on the pregnancy of Jamie Lynn Spears – let’s face it, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel – but Dan Savage’s comments are too good to not repeat.
But first, a summary. Synopses can be found all over the internet, this one comes from HuffPo:
Britney Spears’ younger sister Jamie Lynn Spears has announced in OK! Magazine that she is pregnant. Meanwhile her mom Lynne Spears’ book on Christian parenting, due in Spring 2008, has been indefinitely delayed. Us Weekly reports Jamie Lynn’s father – Lynne’s ex-husband Jamie – is “furious” that mother and daughter sold their story to OK! and “devastated” at the news that his youngest child is pregnant. Jamie Lynn supposedly got a $1 Million back-end deal for the interview.
Jamie Lynn, who is the star of Nickelodeon’s hit show Zoey 101, on which she plays a schoolgirl, turned 16 on April 4 and is a high school junior. She tells OK! Magazine, on newsstands in New York and LA Wednesday and nationwide Friday, that she and (possibly ex) boyfriend Casey Aldridge are expecting a child, that she is 12 weeks along, and that she is keeping it.
The mind boggles. Where to begin…
OK, first off, the thought of Lynne Spears writing a book on parenting (HuffPo is the only site that specifies “Christian” parenting) is risible. I’m sure it will be on the best seller list next to such scintillating titles as Marital Fidelity by Rudy Giuliani and the FEMA Disaster Recovery Handbook.
This is where Dan Savage‘s insight came in. He quips:
Uh… Mrs. Spears? Wouldn’t your divorce and your daughter’s divorce, drug use, and spectacularly bad parenting disqualify you from writing a book about “Christian parenting”? Didn’t you think that was a little jinxy–even before your other daughter got herself knocked up at 16?
Next question. No, make that two questions. First off, will rules that typically apply only to the “little” people be applied here? Casey Aldridge appears to be a cute kid and all, but he is 19 years old, and Jamie Lynn is 16. I’m talking criminal charges.
The follow up question there would be what kind of shitwits are these parents all around? What kind of ninnies allow such that a child of only 16 has a long time serious boyfriend? More to the point, when your minor child is “dating” someone sufficiently older as to be outside the Romeo and Juliet laws, real parents DO things. Things involving firearms and restraining orders.
And Casey, what WERE you thinking? Didn’t you learn anything from the example of Jason Alexander, that in Hollywood “I love you” really means, “I’m stoned off my ass and yours is the nearest erection.”
And have you seen the silly cover of the OK! spread? Shocked and scared? Are we to believe they didn’t know where babies come from?
I do feel sorry for the co-stars on her TV show, whose future plans are going to be changing since it’s unlikely Nick will be inclined to keep her around.
Update:
Brilliant little quip from Balloon Juice:
Will the 18-year-old who nailed Britney Spears’ 16-year-old sister get to spend the same amount of time in jail as Genarlow Wilson?
A very valid question – as I said, criminal charges!